Key Takeaways for Parents and Teachers:

• A diagnosis explains a behaviour; it's the whole-child view that explains the person — don't let a label become the whole story.

• Children shouldn't have to "fit" narrow referral criteria to get support — if something isn't working for a child, it's worth pursuing even without a tidy diagnostic fit.

• Teachers and parents should assume good faith in each other: a child who "looks fine" at school may be dysregulated at home, and vice versa — neither setting invalidates the other.

• Trust-building starts small — Dr. Sen gets down to a child's eye level, shares something personal about herself, and treats the child (not just the parent) as the main person in the room.

• Burnout in this field is real; Dr. Sen's advice to fellow clinicians is to keep learning, find mentors, and hold onto interests outside of medicine.

Resources Mentioned:

• Missionaries of Charity (Mother Teresa's organisation)

• NRS Medical College, Kolkata, India

• ADHD Embrace

• Hounslow ADHD/learning disability pilot clinic

Connect with Dr. Inyang Takon:
Website: www.drtakon.com
General Information for Parents: www.school-doctor.com
Questions? Email: eim@drtakon.com
LinkedIn: Connect with Dr. Takon
Subscribe: Ask a Developmental Paediatrician
Read: Braindiverse Substack
Guest enquiries: podcast@drtakon.com

Support the show

Resources

Website: www.drtakon.com

General Information for Parents www.school-doctor.com

Questions? Email Us at eim@drtakon.com

Connect on LinkedIn

Subscribe to Ask a Developmental Paediatrician 

Read our SUBSTACK Articles for Short Simple Smart tips for parents, health professionals 

Guest enquiries: podcast@drtakon.com

Dr Takon discusses some of the findings from her research: Premonitory urges in children aged 6-10 years with tic disorders. Do teachers feel well equipped to support children with tic disorders/Tourette syndrome in the class? Dr Takon has developed training packages to support teachers and schools. Send a message to find out more.

1. Describe the cycle, not the defective person

Replace “You are antisocial” with a neutral sequence: “Before family events, you become tense. At the event, you withdraw. I feel alone and begin prompting you. You feel watched and withdraw further. We argue on the way home.”

The cycle is the shared opponent.

2. Separate intent, impact and need

Try three sentences:

· “I believe you did not intend to embarrass me.”

· “The comment still had an impact, and I felt exposed.”

· “Next time, I need us to agree on a signal and step outside before either of us becomes overwhelmed.”

This protects accountability without assuming malice.

3. Make invisible expectations visible

State requests directly. Agree who is doing what and by when. Put plans in a shared calendar. Write down changes. Use reminders, checklists and visual schedules. External systems reduce the number of occasions on which love is tested through memory.

4. Plan social events as an access issue

Discuss duration, transport, quiet space, food, likely guests, recovery time and an exit plan. The sociable partner can attend some events alone without treating that as betrayal. The less sociable partner can participate in selected, meaningful ways rather than being pushed into every event or withdrawing from all.

5. Build transition time

Give advance notice where possible. Use a ten-minute warning before leaving. Decide which plans are fixed and which are flexible. If lateness is a repeated trigger, work backward from departure time and assign concrete tasks rather than shouting reminders.

6. Agree on a regulation plan before conflict

Identify early signs of overload. Choose a word or gesture that means “pause.” Decide how long the pause lasts and when the discussion resumes. During the break, reduce stimulation rather than rehearsing arguments by text.

7. Protect the child from adult conflict

Do not recruit the child as witness, messenger, or judge. Do not debate the child’s diagnosis in front of them. Use a shared response for common flashpoints, and hold the parenting discussion later.

8. Seek neurodiversity-informed support

Generic couple advice can fail if a therapist interprets literal communication, shutdown, memory difficulty, or sensory overload only as lack of care. Ask whether the practitioner understands adult autism, ADHD, masking, executive function, sensory processing and mixed-neurotype relationships. Good work should still address responsibility, power and safety.

Should someone seek an assessment?

Consider a conversation with a GP or qualified specialist when there is a lifelong cluster of relevant traits, significant impact on relationships, work or daily life, and a desire to understand or access support. Childhood history matters, even if difficulties became obvious only when adult demands increased. Screening questionnaires can start reflection but cannot confirm a diagnosis.

Assessment should be chosen by the person being assessed. A partner can share observations and explain the impact on the relationship, but should not corner, diagnose, or publicly label them.

Other explanations also need consideration, including anxiety, depression, trauma, sleep problems, substance use, physical illness, personality, cultural communication styles, and relationship incompatibility. More than one explanation can be true.

What premarital education and relationship services should include

Relationship preparation often covers money, sex, faith, family expectations and conflict. Neurocognitive differences deserve a place too. The goal would not be screening every couple for a disorder. It would be teaching every couple to ask useful questions:

· How do you each communicate distress?

· What happens when plans change?

· How much social contact and recovery time do you need?

· How do noise, touch, clutter and interruption affect you?

· How do you remember and organise shared responsibilities?

· What does emotional support look like to each of you?

· How will you repair after conflict?

· How will you respond if a child has additional needs?

Counselors, faith-based marriage groups, family services and parenting programs should recognise that equal commitment does not always look like identical behavior. They should also know when to refer for specialist assessment and when a safety issue takes priority over couple work.

A better first question

“Is your partner neurodivergent?” is a powerful series title because it opens a neglected conversation. Inside the conversation, the better question is more careful:

Could a difference in how one or both of us process the world be contributing to this repeated cycle?

That question does not absolve anyone. It does not turn a spouse into a patient. It asks the couple to replace accusation with observation, to make hidden needs speakable and to build systems that fit the brains actually living in the home.

Understanding may not save every relationship. Some relationships are unsafe; some are incompatible; some end despite insight. But where two people still have goodwill, recognition can change the argument from “Why are you like this?” to “What happens to us here, and what can we do differently?”

That is a much stronger place to begin.

Hosted by Dr Inyang Takon, the podcast transforms complex questions into practical, parent-friendly conversations—helping families understand their child’s needs and navigate the next steps towards appropriate support.

Discover more at www.drtakon.com or watch the Dr Inyang Takon YouTube channel.

Please note: This content is educational and is not a substitute for individual medical assessment or advice.

In this video, I explain seven behaviours that adults commonly misunderstand, including appearing not to listen, constant movement, emotional outbursts, avoiding eye contact, struggling with change, avoiding schoolwork and seeming clumsy.

These behaviours may sometimes be linked to ADHD, autism, dyslexia, language difficulties or coordination difficulties. One behaviour alone does not confirm a diagnosis, but persistent difficulties deserve curiosity, understanding and appropriate support

One partner is excited about a family gathering. The other has been dreading it all week.

They arrive late because getting out of the house took longer than expected. One partner is already tense. At the gathering, that partner speaks very little, misses a social cue, makes a comment that lands badly, or disappears into another room. On the journey home, the argument begins.

“You embarrassed me.”

“I came, didn’t I?”

“You made it obvious you didn’t want to be there.”

“Why are you making such a big issue of this?”

Both people feel injured. One felt abandoned in public. The other felt pushed into a draining situation and then criticised for failing to perform correctly. The disagreement becomes evidence in a much older case each partner has been building: You do not care about me. You never understand me. Everything must be your way.

For some couples, this is ordinary incompatibility or a relationship that needs repair. For others, the repeated pattern may partly reflect unrecognised neurodivergence in one or both partners.

That possibility deserves discussion, particularly in families raising a neurodivergent child. Autism and ADHD run in families. A child’s assessment can be the first time a parent recognises parts of their own childhood, sensory profile, attention, social experience or need for predictability. The discovery may bring relief, grief, defensiveness or a sudden re-reading of the marriage.

The aim is not to turn every difficult spouse into a diagnosis. It is to replace moral judgement with careful curiosity, while keeping responsibility and safety firmly in view.

When difference is mistaken for intention

Couples rarely argue only about the visible event. They argue about the meaning attached to it.

If one partner avoids gatherings, the other may hear: “Your family does not matter to me.” The avoiding partner may be experiencing noise, crowded conversation, unpredictable questions, unfamiliar food, pressure to make eye contact, or exhaustion from monitoring every response.

If one partner insists on leaving at exactly 9 am, the other may experience control and impatience. The first partner may have built a precise mental plan to contain uncertainty. A delay can produce genuine anxiety and a rapid loss of emotional regulation.

If a partner gives a factual answer when comfort is expected, that can feel cold. The speaker may believe that solving the problem is an act of care and may not recognise the unspoken request for reassurance.

If a partner forgets an agreed task, the other may conclude that the task, and therefore the relationship, was not important. ADHD-related working-memory and executive-function difficulties can make intentions unreliable unless they are externalised through reminders and routines.

The impact remains real. Embarrassment is real. Loneliness is real. Overload is real. The problem is that each partner may be explaining the other’s behaviour with the wrong story.

The “double empathy” gap

For years, autistic people were often described as having a one-sided empathy deficit. The double-empathy account offers a more useful relational lens: people with very different experiences and communication styles may struggle to read one another in both directions.

The non-autistic partner may miss the intensity of sensory or cognitive overload. The autistic partner may miss an indirect social message or the emotional meaning attached to an action. Both can feel unheard. Both can believe they have communicated clearly. Both can leave the same conversation with different understandings of what was agreed.

This does not mean every misunderstanding is equal, nor that harmful conduct should be overlooked. It means that repair must involve translation in both directions. Asking only one partner to become “more normal” is unlikely to create genuine intimacy.

Patterns that may be worth exploring

No single item proves neurodivergence. Look for clusters that are longstanding, appear in more than one setting and cause significant difficulty or require great effort to conceal.

Social energy and participation

A partner may avoid gatherings, need long recovery afterwards, prefer one-to-one contact, struggle in group conversation or appear disengaged when overloaded. Another person may enjoy people but interrupt, speak impulsively, become intensely animated, lose track of conversational turns or agree to too many social plans.

The key question is not “Are they sociable?” Autistic people can be warm, funny and socially motivated; people with ADHD can also experience rejection, overwhelm and social exhaustion. Ask what social contact costs, what makes it easier and what happens before and after it.

Communication and hidden expectations

One partner may interpret language literally, communicate very directly or need the request stated explicitly. The other may depend on tone, implication and shared social assumptions. “It would be nice if the kitchen were tidy” may be intended as a request but heard as a general observation.

Conflict grows when one person believes they were obvious and the other believes no request was made.

Change, predictability and transitions

Unexpected visitors, a last-minute change of route, moving house, a holiday with no itinerary or a child changing the plan can produce disproportionate distress. The behaviour may look rigid from the outside. Internally, predictability may be the structure that keeps anxiety and overload manageable.

Conversely, an ADHD partner may crave novelty, act spontaneously, underestimate time or change plans in search of stimulation. A couple can therefore become trapped between “You control everything” and “You make everything chaotic.”

Time, organisation and shared labour

Forgotten appointments, unfinished household tasks, unopened messages, clutter, lateness, impulsive spending or difficulty starting routine jobs can place a heavy load on the other partner. Over time, that partner may become the household manager. The neurodivergent partner may feel constantly supervised and criticised. Intimacy then gives way to a parent-child dynamic that neither person wants.

An explanation is useful only if it leads to shared systems and accountable change. “My brain works differently” should open a problem-solving conversation, not close it.

Sensory needs

Noise, touch, smells, bright light, crowded rooms and children’s constant movement can be physically and emotionally overwhelming. A parent may retreat, become irritable, stop speaking or react strongly after apparently coping all day. The household may read this as rejection.

Sensory overload is not the same as disliking one’s family. Yet shouting at family members is still harmful. The solution is to plan earlier: reduce exposure, share childcare, use quiet recovery time, change the environment and agree on a safe signal before overload becomes an explosion.

Emotional regulation and recovery

Some adults move quickly from manageable frustration to shouting, tears, panic, impulsive words or withdrawal. Others need much longer to identify what they feel and may return to the issue hours later. When the couple expects immediate resolution, a shutdown may be mistaken for punishment and a demand for answers may intensify overload.

A pause can be helpful only when it has a return time: “I cannot continue safely right now. I will come back at 7.30 pm and we will talk for 20 minutes.” Disappearing indefinitely is not repair.

Focus, interests and flexibility

Deep interests can be a source of expertise, pleasure and identity. Hyperfocus can also make a partner feel invisible when bids for connection are repeatedly missed. A highly cautious person and a novelty-seeking person may disagree about travel, money, careers and parenting. These differences need negotiation, not a verdict about which personality is superior.

Why parenthood can expose a previously hidden difference

Many adults develop effective ways to manage life before children. They choose predictable work, recover alone after social demands, control their environment, rely on a partner for organisation or mask their difficulties in public.

Parenthood removes much of that control. Babies interrupt sleep. Toddlers are noisy and unpredictable. Schools send multiple messages. Appointments multiply. A neurodivergent child may need additional structure, advocacy and emotional support. The strategies that once kept an adult functioning may no longer be enough.

This is also when differences in parenting philosophy become visible. One parent may prioritise rules and consistency because unpredictability feels unsafe. The other may value flexibility and worry that the child is being controlled. One may recognise the child’s distress because it resembles their own. Another may minimise it for the same reason: “I was exactly like that and nobody made allowances for me.”

Parents can disagree about assessment, medication, school support, discipline, bedtime, screen use and what counts as deliberate behaviour. If these disagreements become contemptuous or explosive, the child lives inside the conflict.

The child in the middle

Children notice tone, tension and alliances even when adults believe an argument is private. A child may learn that their needs cause parental conflict. They may conceal difficulties, take sides or try to regulate a parent’s emotions. A neurodivergent child may be especially affected by shouting, uncertainty and inconsistent expectations.

The child also receives competing explanations of who they are. One parent may frame the child as overwhelmed; the other as disobedient. One may support adjustments; the other may regard them as indulgence. Consistent, evidence-informed parenting matters more than identical personalities.

The aim is not for parents to agree on every detail. It is for them to create a common formulation: What does our child find difficult? What need sits beneath the behaviour? Which boundaries are necessary? Which adjustments help? How will we respond without contradicting or humiliating one another in front of the child?

Recognition is not blame, and diagnosis is not an excuse

Late recognition can bring compassion. It may explain why certain situations have always been unusually difficult. It can help a person stop viewing themselves as lazy, cold, unreliable or defective.

It can also destabilise a relationship. The non-neurodivergent partner may fear that their pain is being erased. The neurodivergent partner may hear every concern as criticism of their identity. Couples need two truths at once:

1. A behaviour may arise partly from neurodevelopmental differences.

2. Each adult remains responsible for the effect of their behaviour and for participating in repair.

Accommodation is not one person endlessly absorbing harm. It is an agreed change that makes participation more possible without sacrificing another person’s dignity or safety.

This is one of the most common concerns I hear from parents. Many worry that medication will make their child drowsy, “dopey” or somehow less like themselves.

The aim of ADHD treatment is not to take away a child’s personality or unique spark. When medication is considered, it should be carefully prescribed, monitored and reviewed as part of an individual treatment plan.

If a child seems unusually withdrawn, overly quiet, persistently drowsy or unlike themselves, parents should discuss this with the prescribing clinician. The dose or medication may need to be reviewed.

Medication is not the only form of ADHD support, and the decision to use it should involve an informed conversation between the family, the young person and their healthcare professional.

This video provides general educational information and does not replace individual medical advice.

#ADHD #ADHDMedication #ParentingADHD #Neurodiversity #ChildHealth #EarlyInterventionMatters

#ADHD #ADHDAwareness #Neurodiversity #ParentingSupport #BlackParentsUK #ChildDevelopment #SEND #SENCO #MentalHealthUK

That breadth matters because this episode is not simply the story of one father raising an autistic child. It is about the much bigger question that begins after diagnosis: how do you build a life? Dr Inyang Takon and John explore the long journey through therapies, education, residential care, family pressures, adult transition, employment and community. They consider what happens when services are built around individual stages, but families must somehow carry the whole journey—and what a meaningful future looks like for a young person who will always need substantial support.

John’s contribution to the wider disability conversation is this whole-life perspective. He challenges one-size-fits-all interventions, brings fathers’ often-unspoken experiences into view and argues that adulthood must offer more than somewhere to go during the day. Disabled people need purpose, relationships and meaningful ways to contribute. His message to schools, professionals, employers, churches and communities is equally clear: inclusion may provide access, but acceptance creates belonging. The real goal is not simply to make room for disabled people, but to recognise them as valued members of the community whose lives, interests and contributions matter.

IN THIS EPISODE

• How John’s experience as an educator, parent, job coach and advocate shaped his work

• Christopher’s early development and journey to an autism diagnosis

• Why no single therapy or intervention will work for every autistic child

• The importance of the relationship between a child and the professional supporting them

• The financial and emotional risks of chasing every promised treatment

• Making the difficult decision to place a child in residential education

• Preparing a young person with substantial support needs for adulthood

• Creating meaningful employment around a person’s abilities and interests

• Why fathers’ experiences are often missing from disability conversations

• How grief, shame and the desire to “fix” things can cause some fathers to withdraw

• Creating support spaces where dads can participate without being forced to open up

• The effect of disability on marriage, relationships and the wider family

• The role of faith, counselling and community in helping families remain resilient

• Why inclusion is only a first step towards acceptance and belonging

• Building a society in which disabled people are known, valued and able to contribute

CHAPTERS

00:00 Introduction
01:08 Meet John Fela: the “Swiss Army knife” of disability advocacy
05:21 Christopher’s early development and diagnosis
10:33 Navigating anxiety, changing needs and family support
14:15 Why there is no one-size-fits-all autism therapy
23:00 When professional knowledge meets lived parenting experience
26:42 Supporting parents and protecting family relationships
30:07 Transitioning from school into adulthood
31:06 Employment, purpose and creating the right role
40:02 The missing voices of fathers
41:17 Why some fathers retreat into work or silence
45:57 Creating support spaces that fathers will use
50:01 Sometimes a dad only needs one person who understands
53:57 Marriage, divorce, faith and family resilience
1:00:59 The story behind Faith Like My Father
1:05:59 Why inclusion is not the same as acceptance
1:11:11 Organisations and resources for disability families
1:15:14 Building a meaningful future for Christopher

ABOUT JOHN FELA

John Fela (M.Ed.) is a national disability advocate working with both faith-based and non-faith-based disability organisations. He previously worked for Joni and Friends, a global disability ministry.

Before moving into disability advocacy, John spent almost 20 years in education, serving as a classroom teacher in public and private schools, mentor teacher and school director. He holds certifications in Montessori and traditional teaching methods and has trained in several specialisms, including ESL and Special Education.

John is a public speaker, contributor to several disability advocacy platforms and author of Faith Like My Father, a memoir about his journey as a parent of disability.

He lives in Lyons, Illinois, with his wife, Faith, and is father to his son Christopher, who is autistic and nonverbal.

CONNECT WITH JOHN

Website:
https://www.johnfela.com

Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/johnsspecialneedsblog/

Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/john_fela_1

LinkedIn:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-fela-0b839920/

X:
https://x.com/jfelageller74

BOOK

Faith Like My Father:
https://www.ballastbooks.com/ballast-bookstore/faith-like-my-father

RESOURCES MENTIONED

Joni and Friends
A global Christian disability organisation providing practical support, resources and disability-ministry training.
https://joniandfriends.org/

Special Fathers Network
A dad-to-dad mentoring network for fathers raising children with disabilities.
https://21stcenturydads.org/about-the-special-fathers-network/

Key Ministry
Resources and training for churches seeking to welcome and support individuals and families affected by disability, mental health challenges and trauma.
https://keyministry.org/

If this conversation helped you, subscribe to Early Intervention Matters, leave a review or comment, and share the episode with a parent, educator, faith leader, employer or disability professional who would value it.

Support the show

Resources

Website: www.drtakon.com

General Information for Parents www.school-doctor.com

Questions? Email Us at eim@drtakon.com

Connect on LinkedIn

Subscribe to Ask a Developmental Paediatrician 

Read our SUBSTACK Articles for Short Simple Smart tips for parents, health professionals 

Guest enquiries: podcast@drtakon.com

This video explains the difference between classic tic disorders, such as Tourette syndrome, and sudden-onset functional tic-like behaviour. We explore the possible roles of stress, anxiety and exposure to tic-related content online, as well as signs that warrant professional assessment.

These symptoms are real and should never be dismissed as faking. If they are causing injury, exhaustion, missed school or significant distress, speak with your GP or another qualified healthcare professional.

This video provides general educational information and is not a diagnosis or a substitute for personalised medical advice.

🎧 Learn more on the Early Intervention Podcast: (Watch the episode on Functional Neurological Disorder)

#Tics #TouretteSyndrome #TeenMentalHealth #FunctionalTics #Parenting #EarlyIntervention #TikTokTics

Support the show

Resources

Website: www.drtakon.com

General Information for Parents www.school-doctor.com

Questions? Email Us at eim@drtakon.com

Connect on LinkedIn

Subscribe to Ask a Developmental Paediatrician 

Read our SUBSTACK Articles for Short Simple Smart tips for parents, health professionals 

Guest enquiries: podcast@drtakon.com

A few weeks ago, in clinic, a mother told me she had received a letter from her son's school. Her nine-year-old son is autistic. Most mornings, getting him through the school gate involves a meltdown that leaves them both shaking. Some mornings, it doesn't happen at all and he simply cannot walk in. The letter warned her that his attendance had dropped below the threshold, and that a Fixed Penalty Notice might follow.

She wasn't defiant. She wasn't careless. She was doing everything she could think of, and it still wasn't enough. She is not the only one who has experienced this scenario.

Persistent school absence (in the UK Department for Education framework) is defined as missing 10% or more of possible school sessions within an academic year.

Because a standard school day is split into two sessions (morning and afternoon), missing 10% equates to:

• 19 or more days missed across a full 190-day academic year.

• 38 or more individual school sessions.

• Approximately half a day missed every week, or around 6 days per term.

The number of children missing more than 10% of school has nearly doubled across England in recent years, and neurodivergent children sit at the centre of that rise. In one large survey of parents, over 90% of children whose absence was driven by genuine school-related distress were identified as neurodivergent.

Interviews with autistic and ADHD teenagers describing their own experiences point to consistent causes: sensory overload, unpredictability, social exhaustion, and staff who don't yet understand what neurodivergence actually looks like day to day.

Researchers have started using a more honest term for this: **school distress**, rather than "school refusal." The shift in language matters. It moves the story away from a child being naughty or wilful, and toward what's actually happening, which is a nervous system in genuine distress, responding to an environment it cannot yet cope with.

The story is the same with school exclusion. The exclusion figures follow the same pattern. Suspensions for children with SEND have risen 23%, compared with 8% for their peers — nearly three times the rate. Neurodivergent and SEND children remain significantly over-represented among excluded pupils, both in the UK and internationally. Much of what gets labelled as "challenging behaviour" is, on closer inspection, a child struggling to cope in an environment that hasn't been adapted to meet their needs. This is not a discipline problem, but an access problem.

Are parents actually being penalised?

Since 2022, councils across England and Wales have issued more than 873,000 Fixed Penalty Notices for unauthorised absence. The current fine is £160 per parent, per child (£80 if paid within 21 days). A second notice for the same child is fixed at £160 with no discount. A third offence goes straight to Magistrates' Court, where prosecution can bring a criminal record and fines of up to £2,500.

Campaigners and disability rights organisations have been consistent on this point: non-attendance is not always secondary to defiance and truancy, it is very often the result of a genuine impairment, health condition, or a lack of adequate SEND provision. And there is, as things stand, no evidence that fining or prosecuting parents gets a distressed child back into school. What the evidence does show is that it adds stress to families who are already stretched thin.

The policy already exists but isn’t always used

Here's what I want every parent reading this to know: there is statutory guidance that's supposed to protect families in exactly this situation. It's called *Working Together to Improve School Attendance*, and schools are legally required to implement recommendations under this guidance:

1. Medical evidence isn't routinely required before an absence can be authorised.

2. Once a child has missed 15 or more days for health reasons, the school and local authority should be actively considering Alternative Provision.

3. Schools are expected to build relationships with families and understand the *barriers* behind absence — not jump straight to enforcement.

There's genuine progress happening too. The government's PINS programme, backed by £9.5 million, trains teachers to recognise neurodivergent needs and is expanding to 1,200 more schools. A 2025 government-commissioned report has fed directly into 2026 SEND reform, calling for inclusion to be embedded as standard practice in mainstream schools, not treated as a special add-on.

The guidance exists. The gap is in how consistently it is applied. This is exactly where parents can, and should, push.

Here is some useful advice if you find yourself in this position.

1. Get everything in writing. Emails create a record; verbal reassurances don't.

2. Name the real cause early. If absence is linked to distress, sensory overload, or a diagnosis (confirmed or suspected), say so clearly and in writing before any penalty process starts.

3. Ask for a meeting under the statutory guidance. This isn't a favour from the school, it's their duty.

4. Push for an EHCP assessment if your child has significant educational, behavioural and cognitive needs.

5. Keep a simple log of what school mornings and afternoons look like at home. This becomes real evidence.

6. Ask specifically about Alternative Provision once absence nears 15 days.

7. Reach out to Not Fine in School ( https://notfineinschool.co.uk),

   or IPSEA free, parent-led advocacy that knows this system inside out.

Every absence has a reason. Some are illness. Some are logistics. But for so many of the families I see, absence is the body's signal that a child cannot cope with what's being asked of them — not defiance, but survival.

Our role as clinicians, as schools, as a system is to get curious about *why*, before we reach for a penalty notice. Parents already carry enough.

*If this reflects what your family is living through, know that you are not alone. Share this information with families who may need this guidance.

She is calm, polite and apparently coping at school—but comes home exhausted, tearful or overwhelmed. Could it still be ADHD?

In this video, Dr Inyang Takon, Consultant Neurodevelopmental Paediatrician, explains seven signs of ADHD in girls that parents and schools can easily overlook:

• Quiet inattention

• Hidden effort and perfectionism

• The after-school collapse

• Subtle hyperactivity

• Exhausting friendships

• Anxiety or low self-esteem

• Inconsistent performance

Good grades and calm classroom behaviour do not always mean that a child is coping easily. Girls may work exceptionally hard to compensate for difficulties with attention, emotional regulation and executive functioning.

These signs do not confirm ADHD. Anxiety, autism, learning difficulties, sensory overload, sleep problems and other conditions may cause similar difficulties or coexist with ADHD. A comprehensive assessment considers a child’s development, functioning across different settings and alternative explanations.

If these patterns are persistent and affecting your daughter’s education, relationships, emotional wellbeing or family life, speak with her school and an appropriately qualified healthcare professional.

Subscribe to Dr Inyang Takon and Early Intervention Matters for practical, evidence-based guidance about ADHD, autism and child development.

Visit: drtakon.com

This video provides general educational information and is not a substitute for individual medical assessment, diagnosis or treatment.

#ADHDInGirls #ADHD #Parenting #Neurodiversity #ChildDevelopment #ExecutiveFunction #EarlyInterventionMatters

I recently listened to a conversation between Rene Ritchie and Dr Mike, the family medicine doctor who’s spent nine years building a YouTube channel that now reaches fifteen million subscribers and has racked up six billion views. I went in expecting a chat about growth hacks. I came out thinking about something closer to home: why so many brilliant, capable clinicians still won’t put themselves online.

I can relate to this hesitation. This was me inside out until I started Early Intervention Matters Podcast. I attended a Digital Healthcare Leadership Course run by Martini and Dasha at the beginning of the year and became more convinced that doctors need to step out of the clinic room and get their message to the many millions that are waiting to receive evidence based information.

There is a quiet fear in medicine that visibility cheapens you. That if you’re funny, or personal, or willing to talk about dog grooming videos in the same breath as hantavirus, you are somehow less of a doctor. Dr Mike said something that stuck with me: when he first started, he hated being called an influencer. Ten years of training, and suddenly he was a “prankster” in people’s eyes.

But here is the part that changed how I think about it. He realised that everyone with a platform is already influencing someone. A parent influences their child. A professor influences their students. A doctor influences every patient who walks into the room. The question was never whether to influence people. It was whether the people doing the influencing had the training to get it right.

That’s the real cost of our hesitation. While clinicians debate whether social media is beneath them, the space doesn’t stay empty. It fills. With people who learned the algorithm faster than they learned the evidence. With confident voices and no training behind them. Dr Mike called it an ivory tower problem: we keep our best thinking inside conference halls and journals, then act surprised when misinformation wins the attention of the people who actually needed the truth.

I think about this constantly with Early Intervention Matters. Every week I am talking to parents who found their way to us after months, sometimes years, of misinformation, delayed referrals, and half-answers. They didn’t need a research symposium. They needed someone to explain things simply, and to still be there in the comments a week later.

So if you are a clinician standing at the edge of this, wondering whether to start, here is what I’d actually tell you.

Get clear on your why before you think about growth. Dr Mike put it plainly: work out what you want a piece of content to achieve before you chase views. Is this here to educate, to build trust, to reach someone who’d never normally watch a health video? Decide that first. The metrics follow.

Expect to be bad at it, briefly, on purpose. He described it taking around fifty takes just to say a single sentence about what he does for a living. Fifty. That’s not a failure story, it’s the normal cost of learning a new skill. Communication is a muscle, not a gift you either have or don’t.

Let people see you as a person, not just a professional. The clinical authority matters, but it isn’t what makes someone trust you enough to listen. It’s the fuller picture: your interests, your humour, the fact that you’re visibly human. That’s what turns a viewer into someone who actually hears the medical information when it arrives.

Treat the trust you build as something to protect, not spend. It builds slowly and disappears fast. Every piece of content is a small deposit or a small withdrawal. Know which one you’re making.

Train for this the way you trained for medicine. Nobody would hand a scalpel to a doctor with zero surgical training and call it fine because they have a medical degree. The same logic applies here. Learn the platform, learn from people doing it well, before you assume good intentions are enough.

Build in variety, and build in rest. Sustainability matters more than any single video. Protect your own energy the way you’d protect a patient’s.

None of this requires fifteen million subscribers or a production team. It requires a willingness to start, to be imperfect in public for a while, and to remember why you’re doing it in the first place.

This is a big part of why I am writing Clinic to Calling, and why The Doctor Podcaster exists at all. Not because every clinician needs to become a content creator, but because the ones who have something worth saying shouldn’t stay silent out of fear of looking unserious. The room is already full of voices. It’s time more of them belonged to people who actually know what they are talking about.

If you are a clinician thinking about starting a podcast, a channel, or even just your first honest post, I’d love to hear where you’re stuck. That’s exactly the conversation Early Intervention Matters was built to have.

A boy in my clinic has been dysregulated since he was small. Frustration floods him fast, and there were periods where he bit his own hand when the feeling got too big to hold. He is also sociable. Good eye contact, easy gestures, cracks a joke within minutes of meeting you. His mum asked me the question I hear almost every week: could this be autism too?

This ten-minute video walks through the five questions I actually ask in clinic. What sets the outburst off. How it resolves. What’s happening socially underneath it. How the child relates to routine. Whether there’s a self-esteem thread running through it.

If you watched the short version, this is the full reasoning behind it. The complete conversation is on the Early Intervention Podcast.

Watch the longer video for the deeper conversation on the the Early Intervention Matters Podcast Page ( Dr Inyang Takon)

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

In this episode, Dr. Inyang Takon sits down with Dr. Norrine Russell, founder of Russell Coaching for Students, to unpack a critical distinction that many parents and professionals miss: the difference between coaching and therapy for neurodiverse children.

If you’ve ever wondered whether your child needs therapy, coaching or something else entirely, this conversation offers clarity, reassurance and a practical framework for thinking about executive functioning and skill development.

“Pills don’t give skills” is more than a catchy phrase—it’s a philosophy that has shaped Dr. Russell’s work with hundreds of neurodiverse students and their families.

Whether your child has been diagnosed with ADHD, autism or a learning difference—or you’re navigating concerns and wondering where to turn—this episode will help you understand what kind of support can make a meaningful difference.

WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE

• Dr. Russell’s journey—from nonprofit youth work and academia to founding Russell Coaching in 2009, and how raising two neurologically atypical children shaped her approach.

• Coaching versus therapy—the fundamental distinction: coaching focuses on building skills rather than treating mental health diagnoses, and why understanding this matters when choosing support.

• Executive functioning explained—what it means to be “the CEO of your life” and why these skills are essential for self-regulation, independence and long-term success.

• The role of medication—how medication can reduce symptoms but does not teach skills, and why medication and coaching may both be needed while serving fundamentally different purposes.

• When to seek an evaluation for ADHD or autism—practical guidance on recognising the signs and advocating for early assessment.

• Parent advocacy and empowerment—why parents should trust their instincts, advocate for early evaluation and recognise the relief that can come from understanding their child’s neurodiversity.

• The age range for coaching—when coaching support can begin and how it evolves as children grow.

ABOUT THE GUEST

Dr. Norrine Russell is the founder of Russell Coaching for Students, based in Tampa, Florida.

With a background in youth development and education, and years of work at nonprofits serving children and families, Dr. Russell built her coaching practice around a simple but powerful idea: smart, capable children are too often written off by schools, paediatricians and sometimes their own parents—when what they actually need is a coach who understands how their brain works.

Founded in 2009, Russell Coaching provides executive functioning coaching for neurodiverse students with ADHD, autism, anxiety and learning differences.

Dr. Russell has held faculty positions at the University of Tampa, Eckerd College, Sweet Briar College and the University of Minnesota–Morris. She also consults with schools across the United States on supporting atypical learners.

She is the parent of two neurologically atypical children—an experience that deeply informs her coaching philosophy.

RESOURCES MENTIONED

Russell Coaching
Dr. Norrine Russell’s executive functioning coaching practice for neurodiverse students.

Website: http://russellcoaching.com

Email: DrRussell@russellcoaching.com

Office: 212-716-1161

Direct: 813-508-2367

CONNECT WITH DR. NORRINE RUSSELL

Website: http://russellcoaching.com

Email: DrRussell@russellcoaching.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/norrine-russell-820545184/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/russellcoachingllc/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drnorrinerussell

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMIal1N_IkKN1a87Sdx_g5w

SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW AND SHARE

If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe to Early Intervention Matters wherever you get your podcasts, leave a review and share it with another parent, educator or professional who might benefit.

Your support helps us reach more families navigating the neurodiversity journey.

_____________________________________________________________________
ABOUT EARLY INTERVENTION MATTERS:
Hosted by Dr. Inyang Takon, Consultant Neurodevelopmental Paediatrician, UK. New episodes weekly.

Website: www.drtakon.com

Connect on LinkedIn:
  / inyang-takon-paediatrician-co-founder-scho... 

Subscribe to Ask a Developmental Paediatrician:
https://neuropaeddoc.substack.com/

Read our SUBSTACK Articles:  https://braindiverse.substack.com/
for Short Simple Smart tips for parents, health professionals 

Guest enquiries: podcast@drtakon.com
__________________________________________________________________________

DISCLAIMER

This episode is for educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute medical or clinical advice. Always consult a qualified professional regarding your child’s specific needs.

Support the show

Resources

Website: www.drtakon.com

General Information for Parents www.school-doctor.com

Questions? Email Us at eim@drtakon.com

Connect on LinkedIn

Subscribe to Ask a Developmental Paediatrician 

Read our SUBSTACK Articles for Short Simple Smart tips for parents, health professionals 

Guest enquiries: podcast@drtakon.com

In Nigeria, a mother whose two-year-old isn't speaking is likely to hear: "He's a boy, he'll talk when he's ready." Then she visits her mother: "This child needs prayers." Then the pastor: "There's a spirit on this child." And in the middle of all of it, she is left entirely alone.

This is not a rare story. It happens every day - in Lagos, in Abuja, in Kano, in Port Harcourt, and in Nigerian diaspora homes around the world.

In this episode, Dr. Inyang Takon is joined by Dr. Gbemisola Boyede - neurodevelopmental paediatrician, founder of Ask The Paediatricians Foundation, and NHS Community Paediatrician - for a rich, honest, and deeply hopeful
conversation about what it means to raise a neurodivergent child in Nigeria today.

 KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Stigma and religious misattribution remain major barriers to neurodivergent diagnosis and support in Nigeria. Families are often told to pray rather than seek assessment.

• The shortage of trained professionals, diagnostic tools, therapy services, and training schools is acute. Many families have no viable pathway to support even when they seek it.

• Grassroots innovation is making a difference: online communities, social media outreach, and NGOs like Ask The Paediatricians Foundation are reaching parents directly in ways that clinic systems cannot.

• Technology and telehealth offer significant potential in low-resource settings  but require deliberate investment and planning to implement at scale.

• Faith communities are slowly becoming more accepting of neurodiversity, and this shift is important. Clinicians and advocates working alongside religious leaders can accelerate change.

• Government policy must eventually catch up. Dr. Boyede calls for long-term planning that includes professional training pipelines, legislation, and representation for neurodivergent children in national health policy.

Two Nigerian-trained UK-based paediatricians both carry a sense of responsibility to the children they left behind. That commitment to reach back across distance and difference is at the heart of this episode.

ABOUT DR. GBEMISOLA BOYEDE:
Dr. Gbemisola Boyede is a Consultant Neurodevelopmental Paediatrician and Founder/CEO of Ask The Paediatricians Foundation: a registered NGO started as a Facebook group in 2015 to reduce preventable child deaths in Nigeria. She
completed her MPhil in Developmental Paediatrics with distinction at the University of Cape Town, and currently works as a Community Paediatrician with Wye Valley NHS Trust in the UK.

CONNECT WITH DR. BOYEDE:
Website: https://www.askthepaediatricians.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/askthepaed / 
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/askthepaediatricians/
Podcast: https://anchor.fm/gbemisola-boyede
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/ask-the-paediatricians-foundation/YouTube (ATP TV): https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgivTyQm3zz5cwm-f7pmmIw

ABOUT EARLY INTERVENTION MATTERS:
Hosted by Dr. Inyang Takon, Consultant Neurodevelopmental Paediatrician, UK. New episodes weekly.

Support the show

Resources

Website: www.drtakon.com

General Information for Parents www.school-doctor.com

Questions? Email Us at eim@drtakon.com

Connect on LinkedIn

Subscribe to Ask a Developmental Paediatrician 

Read our SUBSTACK Articles for Short Simple Smart tips for parents, health professionals 

Guest enquiries: podcast@drtakon.com

Every parent of a neurodivergent child knows the dread of what's coming: the moment at eighteen when the services, the support structures, and the familiar systems suddenly fall away. 

What happens next is often left to parents to figure out alone.

In this episode, Dr. Inyang Takon speaks with Carol Waldman, founder of The Waldman Way and neurodiversity advocate, whose son Andrew was diagnosed with autism aged five. Carol takes us through 24 years of navigating IEPs,
schools, therapies, setbacks, and ultimately, Andrew's graduation with honours from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. 

Now she's turning that hard-won experience into legislation and resources for families who come after her.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• The 'transition cliff' is real: when young people with autism turn 18, many support services disappear almost overnight, leaving families to navigate adulthood largely alone.

• Early and consistent advocacy through IEPs, meetings, and pushing for the right environment makes a measurable difference to long-term outcomes.

• Inclusion matters. Keeping neurodivergent children involved in everyday social experiences - camps, travel, community life builds resilience and social capability over time.

• The employment gap for autistic adults is a systemic failure, not a personal one. Legislation and employer education are essential levers for change.

• Parents do not have to wait for systems to catch up. Carol's experience shows that community-building, resource creation, and advocacy can all happen at the same time.

• It is not as lonely as it once was. Social media, podcasts like this one, and online communities have transformed what support is available to parents - but many still don't know where to look.

• Lived experience, combined with professional or civic skills, is a powerful tool for advocacy. Carol's background in politics amplified what she could achieve for her son and others.

ABOUT CAROL WALDMAN:
Carol Waldman is a mother of three and the Founder of The Waldman Way, a platform supporting neurodivergent young adults as they navigate the transition from education to employment and independence. She helped pass neurodiversity hiring legislation through the San Diego County Board of Supervisors in 2022 and is an elected Executive Board Member and State Delegate to the California Democratic Party. 

She is also writing her memoir about raising Andrew.

CONNECT WITH CAROL:
Website: https://www.thewaldmanway.org/
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/carol-waldman-5b390618
Instagram: @thewaldmanway
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61583431180112

ABOUT EARLY INTERVENTION MATTERS:
Hosted by Dr. Inyang Takon, Consultant Neurodevelopmental Paediatrician, UK. New episodes weekly.

Support the show

Resources

Website: www.drtakon.com

General Information for Parents www.school-doctor.com

Questions? Email Us at eim@drtakon.com

Connect on LinkedIn

Subscribe to Ask a Developmental Paediatrician 

Read our SUBSTACK Articles for Short Simple Smart tips for parents, health professionals 

Guest enquiries: podcast@drtakon.com